Surviving Freshman Year

“Just remember, Fievel – one man’s sunset is another man’s dawn. I don’t know what’s out there beyond those hills. But if you ride yonder… heads up, eyes steady, heart open… I think one day you’ll find that you are the hero you’ve been looking for.” — Wylie Burp

My youngest daughter has now been home for two months since finishing her freshman year of college. I have done a great deal of reflecting on our, and yes, I did say “our” experience. Although people always tell you that each of our children are different and each will have different life experiences, it is not always easy to accept that, nor be able to enjoy certain times.

I learned a great deal about myself and my daughter over the last year. On one hand, I have said she had a horrible freshman year, but looking back, I have come to see that there were so many positive parts that came out of this very same year.

I often worried that she was a little fragile as my baby and might not be able to survive on her own. I apologize to her for selling her short. Several obstacles like a horrible roommate, sorority rush drama and a new roommate filled her year. She rose to each occasion and showed strength, perseverance, organization and in the end, success. Her grades were wonderful and she showed herself and everyone else around her that she is a strong young lady who can get through tough times. There were lots of tears, serious conversations and a close eye on her. Depression and anxiety can be very common in college students, especially freshman who are away from home for the first time.

Social media can be useful to stay connected with friends, but it can also be a huge contributor to depression and anxiety in college students, as well as their parents. Seeing all the pictures posted online where everyone looks so happy and like they have made so many friends can be very hard and lead to unrealistic comparisons and feelings of being left out. What we all need to remember is that people are not posting when they are sad or feeling lonely or left out. Everyone is not having the time of their life all the time. I would run into people and they would ask how my daughter was doing and I decided to be honest and say she was having a tough time. I often got a response back that the other person’s child was just as unhappy but felt like all her friends were happy. The old saying “misery loves company” is still alive and true.

We are all shaped by previous events in our lives and often react a certain way because of those very situations. I had to be reminded often that just because my daughter was sad and not happy with her experience didn’t mean she would necessarily do something to harm herself. I did know that I wanted to keep a close watch on her and be aware of the signs of depression and how to help her. Some signs parents need to be aware of are:

• Feelings of hopelessness
• Loss of interest in normal daily activity
• Irritability
• Significant weight loss or gain
• Diminished self-care
• Insomnia
• Feelings of worthlessness
• Loss of energy
• Difficulty making decisions
• Recurrent thoughts about death
• Suicidal thoughts, actions or plans

Freshman year is filled with many changes and can be very overwhelming. The more we as parents can prepare our children and talk to them, the more they are set up to succeed. However, we also need to prepare them and let them know that it is ok to reach out for help if the overwhelming feelings get to be too much.

Cheers to all my friends who are preparing to send their children off to college for the first time. You’ll always have a friend here to share in the good times, as well as the challenging!