Kristoff St. John’s recent death brought back a whirlwind of emotions and visions from my past, in addition to stirring up new ones. Although I didn’t personally know him, I feel like he has been part of my life for quite some time and we have a few common bonds.
For as far back as I remember, everyone was talking about the story (AKA soap opera) that they were watching. Many of us scheduled our college classes around General Hospital, because God forbid we missed Luke and Laura’s latest antics. Maybe you had another favorite such as Marlena, Victor or bad boy Jack Abbott — as my Poppy Sam used to call him as we watched our show air every day of my summer vacation with him.
Surely you followed General Hospital, Days of Our Lives, the Young and the Restless or The Bold and the Beautiful at some point in your life. Sunday calls to my grandfather often included conversations about last week’s drama on The Young and The Restless. I had a pretty hip Grandpa who even took me on my first shopping trip to Victoria’s Secret! So Kristoff St John’s character, Neil Winters, plots were part of many of our conversations for several years. Fast forward many years later, St John’s son, Julian, took his life in 2014 after a long history with mental illness, leaving him devastated. St John’s recent death has shined a light on suicide loss survivors and how hard life can be after such a tragedy.
I have talked before about my sister’s (pictured above) death and her struggle with mental illness (read that blog post here). Once again, this recent tragedy reminds me of the need to bring mental illness to the forefront of people’s knowledge, to not only make it okay to deal with mental illness and not place a stigma on those affected, but also to remember to take care of ourselves after such tragedies. Grief, shame and guilt often accompany such a loss and can be so hard to deal with. I remember being very quiet and not really telling a lot of people about what happened or how. I had so many questions about why, and “what more could I have done?” or “why did she suffer from this and not me?” I would never fully get the answers I wanted, but I had an amazing support system that has helped me through the grieving process. That process will never totally go away, but for me, it has gotten to a place where I love talking about my sister and all of her accomplishments, humor and love that she radiated. I want to talk about her to honor her and help others in her memory.
It is so important for survivors to accept their emotions, not to worry about how one should or shouldn’t be feeling. Self-care is vital, some of which includes getting enough sleep and trying to eat regularly. Taking care of your physical being helps you feel better and care for your mental well-being. Reaching out and leaning on my support system has made all the difference for me, as well as talking to a professional who could help me with techniques to deal with my many emotions.
Everyone deals with grief differently. Let’s lift the stigma from mental illness and suicide so that people get the proper help they need in both areas.
